A Nightmare Realized

Now, I know I'll end up catching flack from the "remember the 80's" crowd on this, but...Saved by the Bell? What the fuck? Has anyone actually really watched this show? Ok, let's do a character run down: First and formost, there's Zack...possibly the most annoying front man presence in TV history next to the television rendition of Ferris Bueller. Parker Lewis would take both these jagoffs out in a Triple Threat Hell in the Cell match. The preppy, witty asides to the audience are just..why? They're horribly unneccesary. I'm half convinced the canned laughter at this point was out of spite. I have to think this was the first point in my life where I actually wanted to see a live beheading.

Next? Screech. The name alone is like fingernails on a chalk board. If I remember correctly, nerds were supposed to be SMART! This cat wasn't just socially awkward, he was an IDIOT! Ok, atleast with some of these highschool smartass shows, the Dork character had some redeeming qualities...Jerry? He had that trench coat with everything known to man in it. Screech? Hair. That's about it.

A.C. Slater. I've never wanted to strangle a man with his own entrails before. The Jock character. I will admit, as far as jocks go, he fit it to a tee. Irritatingly smug, dumber than a post, and possibly gay. And I don't know who the actor is, but I'd be willing to bet he's doing softcore porn on Skinemax.

Speaking of softcore porn, hello Jessie. Lovingly referred to as "legs". Now here's where things got weird. She played the hot smart chick, and later went on to be a whore in Showgirls. I know EVERYONE knows someone who ended up like this. She's probably the most true to life character on the show, next to Mr.Belding, the highschool principal who pokes the prep squad in the doo doo hole while peeping at the video camera in the boys lockerroom.

Lisa. The Token Black Character. WHO IS WHITER THAN EVERYONE ON THE SHOW! She makes Screech look like Shaft! The big issue on one show? Jessie found out her grandparents were slave traders. Lisa? DIDN'T CARE! Why? Because HER ancestors were probably slave traders too. I don't think anyone on this show pissed me off more. Usually, a token character of a different color (Be it black, white, mexican) is on the show to provide diversity of thought. Lisa? NOTHING! No, "You white folk are crazy!" NOTHING! Hell, Lisa was probably a card carrying clan member.

The Tiffany Amber Theissen Character who was so dull I couldn't even remember her name. So, I'll refer to her as Steve. The Cheerleader. Where the fuck was Jason Vorhees, Mike Meyers, and Freddy Krueger when you actually needed them. This character was so forgettable, I can't even think of a reason to hate her other than her being a cheerleader.

So there's your cast. Why the hell was this show on for as long as it was? And more important, why did I sit and watch it when I woke up this morning.