What the world needs now is an asteroid.

I've been bored. And when bored my mind wanders towards all kinds of possibilities. Today, it found this....if by some odd chance the movies are at all accurate in this, the world needs an alien invasion or an asteroid/meteorite/comet. Preferably both. As I watch movies such as Armageddon, Deep Impact, The Core, Independance Day, and Stuart Saves his Family, I realize that despite all the disagreements and religion in the world, we can all be united under one common goal if the well being of the planet is threatened.

It is in this that I have also decided that Super Villains are the true heroes, because they are always trying to find a way to destroy/take over a planet, which inevitably means the world will have to unite to stop them. And the Super Heroes are actually bad, because they jump in at the last minute, quelling the villains plans, and causing the world to once again crumble into chaos and madness.

So, for the good of humanity, I announce my campaign to become the worlds first true super villain, and crush the armies of the world beneath my iron fist, and uniting all of man kind in a fantasy land of rainbows and puppy dogs. What are we doing tonight? The same thing we will be doing every night, Pinky...trying to take over the world!

Ok, I'll openly admit, I loved the Osbornes. But since they became a surprise success, it has opened up the costipated bowels of the television industry to start crapping out more of these 'inside the lives of has been celebrities' shows. Here's a look at the current or soon to be list of abortions available to be viewed by the halfwits. (My condolences if your favorite show is listed here. I'm sure there's a gun show somewhere that can help you ease your pain):

Britney & Kevin "Chaotic" - Smelling her has been status just over the horizon, Britney Spears and Kevin Spears (don't know his last name, but as he's the woman in the realtionship, technically his last name changes) hop on the celebrity tv bandwagon. I'm assuming her love of eating the souls of young girls is being edited out for content.

Chasing Farrah - Follow the life of a trashy old sexpot who still thinks she's 25.

The Cut - Tommy Hilfigers competition to enter his Nazi bootcamp

Dancing with the Stars - The most without a doubt retarded concept I've ever seen for a show. It's been #1 in the ratings for weeks.

The Gastineau Girls - Who the fuck are they?

Growing up Gotti - What better way to maintain plausible deniability in a families underworld activities than to have their lives televised for all to see.

Hit me Baby - Apparently they're competing for charity. Last time I checked, Vanilla Ice was a charity.

I Married a Princess - Catherine Oxenberg, her Hollywood husband Casper Van Dien...I believe their strapping down Alex now, my droogs.

I Want to Be a Hilton - Here's a chiuauah, a sheet you can form into a dress, and a video camera with night vision. Have a field day, ya dirty whore.

Knieval's Wild Ride - Watch as he consumes a ton of booze and pisses his life down the drain.

Kill Reality - You'd think this show would have some promise, what with the title, but no, it's the jackasses that were on reality shows before trying to prove they have more talent. You know, I believe there is a God, but this here is making me question my faith.

and the list goes ON and ON til you get to these 3 gems due to be rotting minds everywhere -

Hogan Knows Best - If the show includes groping other men, applying bronzer, bleaching hair, and flexing, then I guess the title is applicable.

Tommy Lee Goes to College - A study in the breakout of Hepititis C among college students.

and last but not least: Being Bobby Brown.

That's right folks. See what life is like behind all the glitz, the glamor, the media hyped glory. Bobby and Whitney SHOPPING and smoking weed. I can't beat my head against the desk enough. This shit is going to make Jessica Simpson's "is it chicken or tuna" moment look like sheer brilliance. I'm almost convinced her agent is behind this...

I hate televangelists

I wake up this morning with the charlatain speak on my television. It irritated me. Now, I believe there is a God, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't want his name spread by irritating used car salesmen making way too much money off the simple minded. And THIS guy is offering "Free Miracle Spring Water" to those that call in and make a pledge. His name is Peter Popoff(and no that's not a joke) and I'd like all of you to join me in sending the Lord's Wrath to his prayer request. Warning: His site has pop up ads. Go figure.

And here is my tribute to televangelists, thanks to the Big Boys.

ID4

This day has really lost all meaning. It's all about jackasses getting drunk and blowing themselves up with chinese fireworks. (if you don't see the communist conspiracy here, you need to get your eyes checked.) And while we're all "oooooh"-ing and "ahhhh"-ing and "Pass me another PBR"-ing, does anyone aside from Nicholas Cage really appreciate what happened to make this country the way it is? We were the underdogs. The rebels. 13 colonies, an army made up of mostly farmers, going up against England, who was the strongest nation in the known world. And all of it hinged on one man. One man who stood up and made a difference. Mel Gibson. If it hadn't been for him being pissed off over Heath Ledger dying, America wouldn't be here today. So, I say this. Thank you, Australlia. Thank you for your sacrifice.


And let us not forget our country's greatest hero. Bill Pullman. A president who led us through difficult times, the destruction of major cities, and alien invasion. And through all this, he saved us all by sending Harry Connick Jr. (and his movie career) to his doom. God bless you Bill. *tear*