So one day, Kenny G., George Michaels, Vanilla Ice, and Terence Trent D'Arby got together and decided to capitalize on the all male singing quartet fad that was sweeping the nation. After the huge success stories that were Boyz II Men and Jodeci, Color Me Badd burst onto the scene with "I Want to Sex You Up," which casually invites women to come inside, take off their clothes, with the promise of being made to feel at home. I, for one, don't know a single woman that feels at home when taking off their clothes, unless they spend an ample amount of time in their own home running around with the lights off yelling "don't look at me." Looking past the accidental financial success that this group became off their one hit (yet somehow managed to have a "Best Of" album) this is one terrible, terrible mistake.
Lacking the fun, sincerity, and even somewhat philosophical nature of Boyz II Men, and the testosterone to pull off the "dirty" songs like Jodeci, Color Me Badd estrogened their way to a hit single, relying mainly on pretty boy posturing and the stupidity of teenage girls (see: New Kids on the Block). Despite all this, the group enjoyed fairly large financial success of their first 2 albums.
Then, out of the clear blue skies, the success that Color Me Badd had enjoyed was pulled from underneath them on the release of their 3rd album. Some would say it smells like justice. Others would say it smells like inevitability. The record, however, will clearly show that it Smells Like Teen Spirit. That's right, ladies and gentlemen. The smooth, corporate white-boy R&B sound that was Color Me Badd was shut down by the crunchy fuck-it-all white-boy sounds of Nirvana.
Having lost their contract after their 4th album went no-where fast, the band split. This is not the end of the story though. One would figure that this would be enough, but this group has been responsible for far greater travesties post mortem.
Sam "I Swear I'm Not Kenny G" Watters went on to become a music producer, responsible for polluting our air with Celine Dion, Anastacia, and 98 Degrees. Kevin "I Probably Am Terence Trent D'Arby" Thornton went on to the lucrative gold mine that is gospel based hip-hop. Mark "one of the other white guys" Calderon is now...god help me...an insurance salesman. Bryan "Ice Ice Latte" Abrams is star of VH1's "Manband" and is currently recording a single with the Insane Clown Posse.
It's eerie how some of these are tying together.
9 comments:
Good one. Yeah, ever since the Beatles had teenage girls shrieking with something close to orgasmic delight, record company execs have been trying to tap into that market. Kids have more disposable income than ever before, with parents who have no idea how to tell them no. The result is a plethora of crappy pop culture rewarded in the marketplace through a system of promotion regardless of quality. These guys you wrote about are a shining example of soulless corporatized schlock meant to keep people from thinking too much. We need another roots-based rebellion that will rip a huge gash through what has become a sorry music industry. Or is the patient too sick and too far gone already to save?
Judging from the unrelenting barrage of "news" that assaults our tormented senses on a daily basis about the newfound pop-stars, I don't see a remedy around the corner. Like'em or hate'em, Nirvana was probably rock's last ditch effort at reclaiming it's rightful place in the hearts and minds of the populous. It would take a similar act of "something new" that can relate to these spoiled, rich idiots to shuffle the corporate produced garbage from this mortal coil. And no, the "emo" movement doesn't count.
The music industry has become quite adept at packaging "rebellion" for the masses and turning it into cash. This conflict is probably what drove Cobain over the edge -- the guilt over making it big and yet being misunderstood by the people he was trying to reach. As each year goes by, I think you're right: it becomes harder and harder to be "authentic" and original, to separate the packaging and the marketing from the music. Of course Cobain may have pulled the trigger just to get as far away from Courtney Love as possible.
I'm still partially convinced that Courtney pulled the trigger anyway. But yeah, every guy with an acoustic guitar has suckled away at the Jeff Buckley alterna-teet, any band whose name rhymes with Creed or Nickleback have blatently stolen from Pearl Jam, and anything remotely resembling original (see: Arcade Fire, Decemberists) gets shuffled into this unmarketable category that's reserved for what has been deemed the "elitist indie fuckers." Any shock is for shock value alone, not to inspire thought or movement (save for Serge Tanakian's solo endeavors). I wish I could sleep at night knowing I was shoveling shit to the masses. I live in Florida, where there are so many untapped ex-Mouseketeers to be expoited.
You must've seen Courtney and Kurt then. I agree that there's more there than meets the eye. That said, there is one Hole album, Live Through This, tha is surprisingly good. But you're also right about the splintering of the rock market into indie, classic rock, alternative, neo-punk, etc. Boy, Arcade Fire got a lot of press when that new album came out. Sometimes a group comes out, they get a lot of press, then the inevitable backlash where it becomes cool to hate on the group. Sorta like Coldplay. No one will admit to liking them now, but you know what, those first 2 albums contain some quality music. Sure, the lead guy's a bit of a douche, but that shouldn's always detract from liking a song based on its merits. Franz Ferdinand was a similar phenonemon in terms of backlash. But the first album is pretty good.
I've never seen Courtney and Kurt. I base my suspicions on the "suicide" letter and the forensic report that stated he had enough heroin in his system to incapacitate a horse. Live through this was a surprisingly good album though. And I openly admit to listening to coldplay. Parachutes and Rush of Blood to the Head are fantastic albums. Wasn't too big on the Franz Ferdinand, but the Modest Mouse was great. And I couldn't tell if you were being sarcastic about the "arcade fire" press or not. I didn't hear a peep about it.
No, seriously, The Sunday Times Mag and every glossy mag had a glowing feature on Arcade Fire. The second FF album sucked, but the first one is pretty decent though derivative of course like most "new" music -- Interpol, Bloc Party. Modest Mouse is trying too hard to be like Tom Waits somehow, although I'm basing that overgeneralization on the one album I found in the library and downloaded to my computer. Liked The Shins album Chutes Too Narrow a lot, don't know anything about their albums after that. My local library has a ton of good CDs and I took out about 30 good to great ones recently. Have over 2,000 songs ready to burn. Ya know what, I'll burn you a few mix CDs and shoot 'em to you if you want. My whole life I've been a frustrated DJ and love to turn people on to my incredible mixes. It's my small way of trying to change the world...
Sure, why not. I'm always good for more stuff to listen to in my many hours of sitting in traffic. I have one CD full of stuff to play just to crank while sitting next to the impossibly loud bass mobiles, mostly bagpipe music.
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