Adventure!

I was sitting around the apartment, bored off my ass and tired of just sitting and killing time until I had to be at work. I longed for an adventure. I hopped into the car and headed to where I knew there would be plenty of entertainment today. The Brandon Town Center.

For those that are unfamiliar with the Brandon Town Center, this is the largest mall in Florida. The structure itself is visible from space. It encompasses well over 2 miles of consumerism and features not one, but TWO Starbucks within pissing distance of each other. (This holds true if you are capable of peeing through walls.) I went to the Pantera Bread on the outskirts of the monolith and set myself in a decent spot for watching the crowd.

Above: Pantera Bread in Brandon Town Center

The mall itself was a wretched hive of scum and douchebaggery. Abercrombie as far as the eye could see. Mothers dressed as if they were wanting to be tracked down by the folks at MilfHunter strolling with their inappropriately dressed daughters returning gifts given to them from the heart for "something they really wanted." I understand returning an item if you got a double gift or if someone bought you clothes that don't fit, but because someone didn't get you just what you wanted seems to be kind of shallow to me.

Anyway, I sipped my coffee and enjoyed some broccoli cheese soup, noting the vapid conversation going on around me, as if the dialogue from Juno had lost all of it's charm and humor and was re-written by Billy Mays in an effort to make his knock-off Bedazzler sound cooler. There was preening abound as twenty-somethings primed themselves for mating season. I had to force myself not to go around un-popping collars, as my trip was merely for analytical purposes.

Above: approximation of average guy walking around Brandon Town Center

To avoid being swept into the crowd of fake tans and designer clothing, I left the mall, watching 3 near deaths in the parking lot before making my way out of my parking space 20 minutes later.

It was a nice reminder as to why I avoid that place at all costs, but a valuable life lesson none the less.